![]() ![]() Was like, Oh, my God, I pissed myself, what’s wrong with me? I had It for long enough and it started to feel really good. Learned that sperm ejaculates from the penis, but at this point I had I was older than I should’ve been-I think I was 13, and I had Wasn’t porn, really it was just a girl taking a bath for an hour andĪ half. "I used to watch these movies on Cinemax called Emmanuelle. The important thing isn’t that you have a flesh baseball bat in your pants. That’s the one thing size seems to give you that matters-the pride to walk into any room naked, the swashbuckling sense that you can render any woman paralytic with pleasure. And a kind of passionate life force in bed that could rival Roberto Benigni’s in Life Is Beautiful. The best sex of my life, though, was with a man who had a much smaller penis-probably even on the small side of average. You try shouting Just the tip! in earnest. Case in point: I once dated a guy with a Paul Bunyan cock-maybe eight inches-who was so lazily assured by his endowment that he simply hammered away like he was playing a game of Crocodile Panic. And what you do with your dick is much more important to us ladies than its size. Attached to a real live person (hopefully). But despite what Ron Jeremy claims in that flashy banner ad on the side of PornHub, bigger is not always better. I mean, of course, it usually is, if we’re talking about schlongs that fall on a scale of pig-in-a-blanket to actual recently-born-infant-pig-in-a-swaddling-blanket. Sex with him was like being probed by aliens, she said. Likewise, there were some that were too hard: She’d dated one guy whose dick was like a Magic Marker. She patiently explained that there were dicks that were squishy, even at their hardest. But what she liked most about my dick, she said, was its level of firmness. said she’d dated boomerangs-guys with sideways-banana-shaped dicks. Another thing in my favor: My angle was straight on. She dated one guy whose cojones were so big they were basically a scientific curiosity. Are there a lot of guys with abnormal-size balls? Yes, she said. But I quickly came to realize just how nuanced and textured a woman’s feelings about a penis can be. Size, of course, was my primary area of interest. It was very pre-sexual, and I felt vaguely bored." ![]() Particularly peacocky chap who would just kind of swat his around theĭormitory. "The first erection I saw was not mine, sadly. ![]()
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